Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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