somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
