All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
