You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.