Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

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  (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41
  Replies (17) Good night (6161) Bad night (1098)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.

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  (816): I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear. http://tfl.nu/e1lf
  Replies (50) Good night (881) Bad night (6515)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.

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  (810): just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe. http://tfl.nu/ayww
  Replies (11) Good night (5270) Bad night (587)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"

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  (404): He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!" http://tfl.nu/kefh
  Replies (16) Good night (5637) Bad night (945)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.

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  (828): Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid. http://tfl.nu/baq0
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (1979)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.

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  (910): Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse. http://tfl.nu/i97p
  Replies (19) Good night (1003) Bad night (2499)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.

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  (503): We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went. http://tfl.nu/bmv3
  Replies (4) Good night (1233) Bad night (905)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library

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  (404): Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library http://tfl.nu/areb
  Replies (5) Good night (2226) Bad night (542)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles

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  (816): My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles http://tfl.nu/kz93
  Replies (21) Good night (846) Bad night (2979)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?

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  (438): Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room? http://tfl.nu/i0aj
  Replies (15) Good night (699) Bad night (1192)
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  (714): View more from California

  I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.

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  (714): I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart. http://tfl.nu/nyq8
  Replies (10) Good night (870) Bad night (1386)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.

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  (612): Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt. http://tfl.nu/hm2f
  Replies (3) Good night (882) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible

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  (518): Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible http://tfl.nu/sefo
  Replies (1) Good night (432) Bad night (248)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant

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  (715): while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant http://tfl.nu/24gg
  Replies (4) Good night (1012) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.

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  (847): lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying. http://tfl.nu/usim
  Replies (2) Good night (664) Bad night (329)

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