Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.

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(952): I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it. http://tfl.nu/soz7

Replies (3) Good night (1308) Bad night (563)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant

(617): View more from Massachusetts

then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.

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(617): he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant (617): then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him. http://tfl.nu/q2li

Replies (6) Good night (1000) Bad night (3856)
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(660): View more from Missouri

I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.

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(660): I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/ahlc

Replies (16) Good night (4414) Bad night (915)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father

(973): View more from New Jersey

i think girls just don't want to fuck you

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(908): the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father (973): i think girls just don't want to fuck you http://tfl.nu/fr5s

Replies (31) Good night (2302) Bad night (6254)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.

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(502): He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up. http://tfl.nu/onjv

Replies (12) Good night (1569) Bad night (4255)
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(845): View more from New York

There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.

(845): View more from New York

Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.

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(845): There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help. (845): Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me. http://tfl.nu/1wp4

Replies (5) Good night (3138) Bad night (907)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

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(270): my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy http://tfl.nu/5thn

Replies (9) Good night (2526) Bad night (637)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.

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(303): Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face. http://tfl.nu/mcx6

Replies (7) Good night (1845) Bad night (519)
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(940): View more from Texas

He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.

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(940): He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there. http://tfl.nu/awit

Replies (3) Good night (1150) Bad night (576)
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(954): View more from Florida

Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?

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(954): Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over? http://tfl.nu/e816

Replies (12) Good night (920) Bad night (1423)
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(850): View more from Florida

I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.

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(850): I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm. http://tfl.nu/9wk9

Replies (2) Good night (640) Bad night (377)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS

(845): View more from New York

Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.

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(201): SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS (845): Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings. http://tfl.nu/tkia

Replies (8) Good night (1132) Bad night (517)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..

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(715): He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not.. http://tfl.nu/15ql

Replies (26) Good night (511) Bad night (241)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck

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(603): I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck http://tfl.nu/hnq6

Replies (2) Good night (677) Bad night (206)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom

(862): View more from New Jersey

I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE

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(978): Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom (862): I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE http://tfl.nu/mvr5

Replies (4) Good night (547) Bad night (173)

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