Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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