a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.