I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.