I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.