I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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