Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
