We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?