What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.