fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
