Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.

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  (208): I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to. http://tfl.nu/m80m
  Replies (24) Good night (2205) Bad night (595)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss

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  (847): True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss http://tfl.nu/8437
  Replies (22) Good night (5111) Bad night (540)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel

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  (215): she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel http://tfl.nu/yxdc
  Replies (16) Good night (554) Bad night (4024)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  people are starting to question the shark bite story

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  (321): people are starting to question the shark bite story http://tfl.nu/6iki
  Replies (19) Good night (3956) Bad night (850)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme

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  (781): the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme http://tfl.nu/i0u7
  Replies (9) Good night (5049) Bad night (876)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.

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  (912): His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/9x22
  Replies (21) Good night (923) Bad night (5520)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.

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  (302): I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me. http://tfl.nu/pfoh
  Replies (7) Good night (3216) Bad night (885)
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  (310): View more from California

  True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?

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  (310): True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant? http://tfl.nu/aiag
  Replies (6) Good night (1066) Bad night (1651)
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  (842): View more from

  we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone

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  (842): we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone http://tfl.nu/yvho
  Replies (11) Good night (2413) Bad night (881)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?

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  (603): Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message? http://tfl.nu/3a2d
  Replies (3) Good night (1301) Bad night (472)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.

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  (812): Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords. http://tfl.nu/1djr
  Replies (4) Good night (1894) Bad night (473)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Judging by this purple one they got to second base.

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  (520): They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up. (520): Judging by this purple one they got to second base. http://tfl.nu/efot
  Replies (3) Good night (891) Bad night (337)
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  (916): View more from California

  There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE

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  (916): There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE http://tfl.nu/puex
  Replies (2) Good night (676) Bad night (289)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!

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  (716): It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT! http://tfl.nu/5pm7
  Replies (1) Good night (431) Bad night (894)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.

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  (904): My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there. http://tfl.nu/hpvl
  Replies (0) Good night (365) Bad night (242)

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