if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat