wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im so drunk with asians
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this