I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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