In the future we'll all be gay
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.