He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
