Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache

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  (206): got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache http://tfl.nu/qh4z
  Replies (23) Good night (4442) Bad night (1186)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.

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  (304): I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th. http://tfl.nu/t8ll
  Replies (24) Good night (1276) Bad night (4626)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.

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  (774): if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking. http://tfl.nu/oesf
  Replies (8) Good night (1073) Bad night (4315)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"

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  (918): I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn" http://tfl.nu/8vnd
  Replies (20) Good night (1040) Bad night (5520)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.

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  (405): You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party. http://tfl.nu/3ntk
  Replies (16) Good night (3566) Bad night (875)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year

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  (250): Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year http://tfl.nu/1qcg
  Replies (1) Good night (2315) Bad night (544)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.

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  (316): I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/j3xl
  Replies (6) Good night (895) Bad night (1258)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.

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  (419): I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck. http://tfl.nu/c5ir
  Replies (6) Good night (1607) Bad night (834)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.

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  (515): He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head. http://tfl.nu/6i8v
  Replies (0) Good night (374) Bad night (669)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator

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  (914): Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator http://tfl.nu/9f4r
  Replies (2) Good night (808) Bad night (321)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.

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  (304): Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out. http://tfl.nu/fz3p
  Replies (2) Good night (450) Bad night (726)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?

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  (519): Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is? http://tfl.nu/qsbg
  Replies (1) Good night (374) Bad night (595)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly

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  (907): Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly http://tfl.nu/1xxm
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (244)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?

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  (586): You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them? http://tfl.nu/w767
  Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (319)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.

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  (937): Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one. http://tfl.nu/oxf6
  Replies (1) Good night (747) Bad night (213)

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