Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??

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  (541): I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!?? http://tfl.nu/tgko
  Replies (8) Good night (716) Bad night (2470)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.

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  (409): We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men. http://tfl.nu/lrdt
  Replies (22) Good night (1936) Bad night (3654)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"

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  (615): She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits" http://tfl.nu/yc53
  Replies (9) Good night (2952) Bad night (1203)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'

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  (215): just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.' http://tfl.nu/h44o
  Replies (58) Good night (4585) Bad night (2162)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.

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  (206): LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat. http://tfl.nu/zl1y
  Replies (6) Good night (2917) Bad night (1181)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents

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  (802): Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents http://tfl.nu/oucv
  Replies (9) Good night (1977) Bad night (818)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good

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  (860): Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum (1-860): I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good http://tfl.nu/bjb1
  Replies (7) Good night (976) Bad night (458)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.

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  (503): He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor. http://tfl.nu/y1d6
  Replies (9) Good night (1219) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?

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  (918): He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS? http://tfl.nu/pnaa
  Replies (6) Good night (1149) Bad night (584)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG

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  (256): Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG http://tfl.nu/vp2r
  Replies (5) Good night (556) Bad night (320)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!

  (1-416): View more from Toronto

  Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken

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  (416): Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?! (1-416): Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken http://tfl.nu/8jmi
  Replies (7) Good night (1115) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.

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  (856): doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos. http://tfl.nu/roer
  Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.

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  (484): So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest. http://tfl.nu/3leh
  Replies (0) Good night (624) Bad night (357)
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  (818): View more from California

  Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.

  (818): View more from California

  We won.

  (818): View more from California

  USA USA USA

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  (818): Also, you should've bet on Team Liver. (818): We won. (818): USA USA USA http://tfl.nu/j79n
  Replies (0) Good night (535) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.

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  (720): I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me. http://tfl.nu/73e7
  Replies (3) Good night (333) Bad night (185)

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