fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
