apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
