I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
