i just wanna soil my oats bro
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
