Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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