Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
