Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
