Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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