Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
