omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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