Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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