Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
