i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Randomize
