you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
