operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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