I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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