remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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