What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
