peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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