Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
