covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
