my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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