He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
