addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
