Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
they're like a gay fantastic four
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
