the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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