Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
