I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
