We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
