he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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