the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
did i just pee glitter
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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