he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
