Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
