I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
