your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
