i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
