so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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