I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize