I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
