I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
