He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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