Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
