my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
