so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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