I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize