I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
