i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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