I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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