I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
