i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
