We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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