I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dicks are not precious.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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