I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
