I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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