I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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