We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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