im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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