Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want a musical about memes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
