I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
