we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
