I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
