there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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