One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
