nut hugger
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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