2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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