Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
