I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
