saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
