he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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